i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
