Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
