Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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