We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
