People in love make me want to vomit
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
