He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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