i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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