If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
