I am in a vortex of obligation.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
