I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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