I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
