I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in