I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"