This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice