I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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