I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
