Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
