We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
