i may or may not be watching the land before time
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
