I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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