the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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