Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you had me at cake vodka
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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