you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
