Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
