My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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