You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
