How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
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i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
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the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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