Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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