well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize