So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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