I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
