Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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