Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Oh god it's open bar.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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