wrigley field is MILF paradise
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
