The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
