Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
