Your face is a jimmy john
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize