who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
