two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You took a bar mat shot.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
