My balls are so social today.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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