peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
