WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i drank out of a bidet.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
