Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
