I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
