we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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