So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
