True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
