yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
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I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
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That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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