i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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