Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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