threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Randomize