Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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