I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
