I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
