Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
