Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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