I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
