My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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