Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
how drunk are you?
Several
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
