my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
