Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
