i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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